She was still beautiful. ‘What happened?’ I said. ‘Tell me what happened, Lexi. Lexi? You’ve got to call the police. Either you call them or I will. Meanwhile I want to know what happened. What killed him?’ She looked at me and her eyes welled with tears. ‘You know I can’t Russell. You know what kind of relationship we had. You know the rules.’ ‘Well you’re gong to tell the cops. They don’t care about your rules, so you’d might as well tell me.’ She looked at me and started to cry, her shoulders falling as if the weight were just too much. ‘You’ve got to help me, Russell. You’ve got to help me! Please!’ She was wearing a thick, soft, coffee-colored sweater that made her look even paler than she was, so big she looked lost in it, and I couldn’t help what I felt. I could never help what I felt when I was around her and that’s why I lost her, because she drove me crazy until I was finally out of control, and what she needed was control. What she needed more than anything was control. Josh looked at his father for a few seconds and finally spoke. ‘I should’a been down here with you Pa. You or Ma could have been hurt, I shouldn’a been here to help,’ he said. ‘If you had been here someone would have been hurt. Fogerty would have tried to force you to join them and your momma wouldn’t have allowed that,’ William said with a little smile. ‘Neither would I. Understand?’ Josh nodded his head but still didn’t like that he had been sent to hide while his family protected him. He understood the logic but emotionally he didn’t feel it was right. A man should stand up for himself, he thought. At 17 Josh was considered a man as were most young men living in the hill country of southeastern Missouri. By the time a lad reached 17 he was expected to do a man’s work and help his family survive. The young men would work side by side with his father on the family farm or hire out to someone like a blacksmith, all to make it a little easier for his family. The youngsters would.
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